I'm trying to move on but every single memory comes back to haunt me. Little things trigger every single memory especially in school. The stairs where we kissed, the drink that I drank when I first kissed him, the mannerisms he does mimic by a close friend of him, the room where things were somewhat I consider magical.
I love this person so much. So much that I'm willing to let him go but I don't get why going and saying goodbye doesn't affect him. I feel like he's forgotten everything. I feel so hurt and I don't know why.
I love him, I really do. Even before the things that happened I loved him. I remember the time when I was stressing all around people asking them If I should tell him I love him. I remember asking them "Should I tell him or no?" someone told me that I should tell him because I will regret not telling him. What if's? where always the motivation for me in these kinds of situations and every single person I asked was giving me the What if's.
So that night I told him, I was stuttering like crazy, I can't come up with words to say. I can't say those 3 words that I should say. I was nervous but In the end I told him. I remember this pause in the conversation when I said I love you, He just went silent. It was nerve-racking.
Love,
Hey Love!! I miss you, we haven't been talking so much as before but it's okay. Finally you got your hair colored, It suites you. thank you. I'm sorry.Even if you said yes. I wouldn't want you worrying about Her knowing your my partner on my debut. I'm sorry for asking you, I knew it was inappropriate to ask you. I hope you'll be happy with her, I wish you all the best with her. Finally or maybe I think I have the guts to finally forget my feelings for you, I think. I'm happy that I met someone like you, thank you for making me believe in guys again. Because of you somehow the void that my dad left is now gone.
Thank you cause you showed me that I could love again. Thank you for being a really great best friend. Thank you for making me smile and talking to me on the phone wee hours of the night. Thank you for the Awesome dates, Can't deny it was fun. So now, I think I'll go and try to forget my feelings for you. I'll find another partner nalang possibly, or no partner nalang.
I love you, I really do. I'll be here no matter what, I'll be a great friend. I'll try. I don't think after sending this to you, I think I can't face you tomorrow or even talk to you. Give me time. But if you want to talk then okay.
I really do love you, I hope you realize that. Your not really my first love but I treated you like someone Like my first love. I would at times forget that you have a girl because you treat me like I'm yours when really I'm not. It hurts me to know we can never be, it hurts me to think that every single thing we did you could easily forget. It hurts me that you couldn't tell me you love me without inserting best friend in the end... It hurts to know that you could easily forget me like nothing ever happened. I wish you could love me like you loved her, I really wish you could.
It hurt me when you were crying when she broke it off with you. I wanted to hug you so tight, I wanted to take away the pain she has caused you. I didn't want you hurt, it was hurting me too. You deserve much better than that.
When you told me about a new girl and what you guys did. Did you even realize that It hurt me?
I cried at the music room that time you didn't see but I was in outrage. Since you told me your not like that, you were not like other guys. you realize that in the morning you were like I miss my bestie? then at night you were with this new girl. So that's why you haven't been talking to me. Dude, I left you because I don't want to complicate things between you and your girl. Now you complain to me that you're life's a mess. Did you even realize that the things we did were mistakes already but you had the guts to add a much more BIG mistake.
I don't know how to face you know, everything I believed you were was a lie. You've changed and changing is part of our lives. I don't know if this change is good or bad. But i'll still be here hoping and waiting that one day you realize how much I loved you. for the last time....
I love you, Love.
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