But there's more to my fan girl mode to Demi, She's an Inspiration for me to keep going, to go through life.
I bet all of you think it's annoying or whatever for me to look at her that way. There are so many other people you can look up to why Her?
Demi Lovato is a singer/actress in Hollywood and going through the things she went through in-front of the whole world to see and read about. That ain't easy! Let alone open up to the whole world that you had "problems" and that you're going to get help. I adore her and look up to her because she is the only celebrity I know who openly talked about what she's been through, the problems she had and tell everyone that it's okay to get help and like her you will eventually get through and be a better person. I can identify myself with her, relate to her in ways that other artist rarely can do.
In our society you're labeled "emo" when you cut yourself, wear black eyeliner and when your pessimistic about everything. I remember "emo" became a trend once when I was in 2nd Year High School. A freaking trend! but even before it became a trend to tell you guys honestly.... I started doing it. It's the first time I'll ever reveal this, I've only told my Boyfriend.
The cutting started when I was in 2nd Year HS. I felt so depressed because of my grades and some other problems.I don't remember exactly when in 2nd year but I started to look at my wrists and started cutting, it felt as if all the sadness I was feeling was draining out of me when I was doing that, it felt really good. I didn't really cut too deep cause I didn't want people or my family to notice what I was secretly doing and I didn't want to called emo. As time passed by I kept on repeating and repeating the cutting until I felt nothing at all...
No one noticed what I was doing and how I was feeling because how I felt so depressed inside was How Happy and Cheerful I was on the Outside a perfect cover-up. At times I would accidentally cut deep cause I really wanted the feeling to go away. There were also times that I realize that what I was doing wasn't really right and told myself this would be the last time but somehow I got back to it again over and over again. It was a never ending process of me trying to stop what I was doing and going through it again. I kept denying to myself, that I wasn't okay. I didn't want to tell anyone because I was too scared to be judged and maybe they might tell my Mom that I was cutting. I was scared to get caught but I didn't want to stop.
The cutting lasted until 1st Year College (2010), I kept on putting bracelets in my wrist to hide some cuts and when people asked why I had so many bracelets I told them that I was hiding my wrists because I was so thin. They believed and I continued. October 2010 Demi Lovato enters timberline knolls facility a treatment center.She went into treatment for her problems. I was reading the article of what had went down before she checked into the treatment facility and recalled pictures I saw a year before when people suspected she was cutting. I didn't want to believe she was until the article confirmed everyone's suspicion. I felt as if the whole "good girl act" that she was portraying was all a lie, I got mad at her.
Yes, even though I didn't know her I got mad and judged her. I kept on asking myself was her good girl image all a lie? Were we supposed to idolize someone like her? Really now Disney? I kept on thinking about it the whole day without even noticing that with judging her I was realizing that I was doing the same to myself. I was bashing and also judging myself.
Self-denial, denying that I was like her and that I needed help too. I didn't want to go telling my mom I had problems, I didn't want her to blame herself for what I was doing because I knew very well it was my own doing, it was my fault. So I turned and told my boyfriend instead, I remembered that time when I told him. I think we had a small argument or something, I don't really remember but I started doing it again. I tried to hide what I was doing from him, My mind was both telling me to "Tell him" and "Don't tell him". I kept debating and debating with myself until I finally told him what I was doing. And yes of course he got mad and started asking me why I was doing it. I felt ashamed of telling him, scared I might lose him with the new information he has learned about me. But eventually with his help I stopped and I'm very happy to say I've been 2 years "unbroken"
Stay Strong Demi's documentary, words of encouragement from Stephen and God has been my go to when I'm feeling so down. these things helps me get me back to perspective and think that everything would be okay. So maybe Demi's not the only one who's my inspiration now there's also Stephen, God and My Family.
.jpg)
Yes, even though I didn't know her I got mad and judged her. I kept on asking myself was her good girl image all a lie? Were we supposed to idolize someone like her? Really now Disney? I kept on thinking about it the whole day without even noticing that with judging her I was realizing that I was doing the same to myself. I was bashing and also judging myself.
Self-denial, denying that I was like her and that I needed help too. I didn't want to go telling my mom I had problems, I didn't want her to blame herself for what I was doing because I knew very well it was my own doing, it was my fault. So I turned and told my boyfriend instead, I remembered that time when I told him. I think we had a small argument or something, I don't really remember but I started doing it again. I tried to hide what I was doing from him, My mind was both telling me to "Tell him" and "Don't tell him". I kept debating and debating with myself until I finally told him what I was doing. And yes of course he got mad and started asking me why I was doing it. I felt ashamed of telling him, scared I might lose him with the new information he has learned about me. But eventually with his help I stopped and I'm very happy to say I've been 2 years "unbroken"
Stay Strong Demi's documentary, words of encouragement from Stephen and God has been my go to when I'm feeling so down. these things helps me get me back to perspective and think that everything would be okay. So maybe Demi's not the only one who's my inspiration now there's also Stephen, God and My Family.
.jpg)
